Drunks are banned from my kitchen

I don't know why it is that I thought something like a simple sign would help. I should have known better. Drunk people cannot follow instructions.

When there is a big ol' sign on the dishwasher that tells you whether or not the dishes are dirty or clean, I still don't see how one can continually  say, "Oh I got confused."

It's really simple:

Food on dishes= DIRTY

Nice sparkling, lemon scented= CLEAN

 I have had to run the dishwasher 3 times in 24 hours because Lil Miss Irish Mist can't tell the difference.

That is why we bought that sign!!!

What else am I supposed to do? put a pad lock on it? I'm tired of going put the dishes away to be met with what were supposed to be clean dishes now dribbled with remnants of the prior night's drinking binge.

 And this is after I had to yell at her for not loading it correctly last week!

Last week she threw (ye,s threw and not placed in a slot or peg on the rack) a bunch of plastic containers. We all know if you don't properly secure those little buggers, they get flipped downside up and fill with water as they tumble all around the interior during the cycle. Well in this case, because she threw them on the bottom, they fell AALLLL the way to the bottom and landed on the heating coils. Because she started the dishwasher as she went out the door, no none was home to notice the bloody thing caught fire inside. So when I come home I'm met with the putrid stench of burning plastic. After about 10 minutes of checking all our electronics, I figure out its coming from the kitchen; open the dishwasher, to get a cloud of black smoke in my face!

And then there is the time she made coffee (most likely to try to sober up) and never put the carafe under the drip... So I had to mop up an entire pot of coffee from the counter and floor.

And then there are the times she stumbles into the kitchen in the middle of the night to stand in front of the open fridge to eat BBQ sardines and salmon roe with her fingers, only because she is sloshed and didn't turn the light on (drunks don't take to bright lights well) she drops it on the floor... yet another mess I have to clean up.
Am I running a nursing home or what?!?

I'm going to put trip wire in the doorway to try to keep her out.... 

I'll let you know how it works out